on the way of nowhere...or Somewhere...

Today, my mind thinks in English. Let it be.
I just realised, that if you want to live happily in our society you have to be blind and do not recognise basic things. Actually, as the whole folk successfully does. I can't - this is my problem, and this disease cannot be cured. What's more, I even do not want to cure myself.
The basic question, which is turning me inside out is: What next? This is the most problematic question I ever had. I'm finishing my studies, it seems like nothing is left. Master studies? in Lithuania? I would not like. It is not even about the price (6000Lt from where?), it is about your time. If one semester in neighbour country (Poland), can give you more, than your home university for the whole 3 years, naturally the question arises: so Why Study? I must confirm, that education level in our country is on low level, student's approach also... Even obtaining master degree, does not mean getting the best work in the world afterwards. And what does it mean the best work in the world, ok, let's be precise: in LT? getting 2000-3000Lt per month? It would be a royal salary nowadays. I wonder, what kind of job it would be...
Working for the whole year in order to buy a second-hand car, and when work for filling it with petrol and repairing it? Rest money you can spend on your basic needs and consuming other goods and services. Wonderful perspective! My 'dream'!

Sometimes, when you are finally conscious of all your life decisions, and know, that everything depends on you - you are getting scared. Such big responsibility of your life is in your hand. This is the possibility, need and responsibility. All your life depends now on your choices and decisions. It's on the way of nowhere or Somewhere... Time for big decision: it attracts me and, I must admit, scares me. I am again on the starting point of having nothing, but on the other hand I am completely different person. I'm not keen on participating in rat race, I wouldn't like to do it. Life is too short, and I need more of it...